So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
