Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
