The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
how drunk are you?
Several
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
