God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
