pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
