my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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