I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
high people should be assigned attendants
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
