I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
