My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
