There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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