Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
