I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
