I'll bet she douches with gravy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is my gift to your gina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
