What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
