Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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