the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
im on a boat
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