well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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