Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
