I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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