I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
