the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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