this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
