I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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