I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
