that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
