I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
