I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize