Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
