When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
