I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
