my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
