It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
