when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
