wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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