we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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