I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You've changed since you got that strap on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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