You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
