dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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