Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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