I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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