I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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