dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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