He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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