I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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