I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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