friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
