It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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