I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
