My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he fucked my hip out of place.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
