how can u be prego again
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
