Tell her she can't have a vagina
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
