you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
