ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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