if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
