We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
where are you?
Hypothermia
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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