I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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