Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
