Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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