2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
