When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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