Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
