By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
