Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
