think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
