I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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