we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
