took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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