I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
