Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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