Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
