We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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