What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
