let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize