I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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