is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
