College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
