Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
