She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
